Well, it’s the new year and now there is snow on the ground here in Ohio. Right now I’m having one of the weirdest feelings ever.
Now, I’ve had this feeling off and on my whole life; the feeling that I’m not meant to be living this life like it’s not really my life and that I’m not supposed to be here, and that I really don’t to get any older and I really want to die and have this life end.
Now when I get this weird off the wall feeling I start to freak out a little bit and start to think about why I am here on this earth and what I am meant to be doing with the life that I have been given by the lord and lady and of course my mom, and I get scared like really scared like what the hell is gonna happen to me after I’m fully gone and what will or has become of my life , its a bit of a distant future type of thing. And that kind of freaks me out that I get this feeling ; this little bit of anxiety and fear.
I know that I shouldn’t worry that much about how the future will turn out but I do this feeling , of not belonging to this world and not wanting to die and wishing that I could become a vampire and just live forever is really not me but it happens and when it does it’s no picnic among the flower. And I can’t help but to wonder am I the only one who feels that way nd how do I stop this feeling of dread about my uncertain future with certain aspects of my life,like a job,kids how will they turn out to be like will they be ok when I do die, what about when I’m married and I leave my husband behind how will he be will he be ok too. It scares me, and it scares me at how much I really do see at how much I really don’t fit in among society’s so called norms that I have to function properly within if I really want the life that I want / need to survive and to support a family.
I’m unique to say the least believe You me my own unique weirdness can be a bit out there too. I think that as to why I get this sometimes is that it reminds me some how that hey you are only human and remember that it can end, so you still have alot to learn now, fun to have and people to meet and places to see and a love that has gotten you here so keep growing and learning experience life dream your dreams and be your self .
That’s what I think,what about you what do you think?
Yeah I know that I’m only 28, but I’ll be 29 this year in June,