Hello there dearies,
Sorry that i havent been posting this last few weeks, Ive been so worried about whats going on at the town home,looking for a job and other things that life has been throwing at me.
Today is going to be very uneventful, Im doing up clothes at my moms so it seems like this will be the best time for me to do a post since it seems like i cant do that at the town home without being asked what im doing and without being acused of pulling my weight in the job hunting area and it being called unfair.
I think thats why i have been staying way from the things i really like to do just to keep the peace in the household and it is starting to feel like im giving up/stepping way from a part of myself that makes me happy and makes up a part of myself and makes me who i am as a person cause if i cant be myself with the people who care for me then who am i really tho this person. This has nothing to do with my boyfriend because he knows that i blog and that i have two youtube channels and knows that both are a part of myself as a person and my mom knows about all three too and has no real problems with it either but im hardly at my moms place for it to be a problem for her.
Its like im feeling i cant fully be myself because of the fact i cant do youtube by making videos or blog without being judge by it from the person involved in this problem that i am having, its like the person talks about appection and tolerance but they cant do that for me because of the fact that i am a youtuber and a blogger.
I dont mean to sound like im complaining about this or sound like im coming off as a bitch but it seems like i cant do what i really love to do with these two things without being asked what im doing or why im doing and without being left alone about it. Im sorry but my laptop is my personal laptop what i do on it is my own damn bessines and i will do what i damn well please without being judge and ridicule for it.
I feel like it doesnt matter what i do or say im always gonna be yelled at for it and be judged harshly for it without it being fair and blame falling on me for not doing what im spoused to do and what i need to do. i feel that they do not understand that this is a part of what i do with my day even if its a video or two a week or a blog or two a week every other week or almost every month a few times during the month what am i spoused to do ? Not do it and not be who i am as a person and do what makes me happy and keeps me from going insane in the long run?
Cause shit i haven’t even gotten the chance to write out my goth video because of this. And it sucks cause i have no clue what to do or how to go about this to talk to this person to let them know how i feel,what im feeling and how this is affecting me not only as a wiccan but as a person as well becasue the goth video would be sevreing both of my channels because wicca is involed into it because i was gonna do like what goth is not on my main channel and have it explain what goth really is and how it came to be and what it means to me being a goth myself and on my 2ed channel i was or i am gonna add the wiccan element into because i am a wiccan and i am a goth so there fore it sevres a duel pourspe for since i am both.
Im sorry that some of thew words in this post is misspelled. God im saying sorry alot or thats what it feels like to me how subservient of me. I guess im so used falling into that roll of always being sorry of something thats a part of me and makes me who i am as a person and makes me human. this is the other reason why i love having this blog and being on wordpress and youtube its showing the growth that i have gone thourgh and how much i am growing both within myself and without even though i cant see how much i have grown and how much growing that i am undergoing to become a better person and even though i am talking about myself or the things i like and it seems like that these blogs seem so one sided or it seems like that to me a little bit because it is my blog. but it also seems like that my blog andmy writeings are two sided because you guys and gals are commenting back saying how much you like what i have to say and you can relate somehow or impart some wisdom to me that i yet have not yet gained. And i think thats another part of why i really loving doing this and hearing what you guys got to say.
Its really nice having a blog to vent into or talking about random things it really does help out in the long run when you think about and i do need to stop not letting others dictake what i do and dont do with this and youtube
im glad i am here and i love it you all take care of yourselves and until next time
thanks for reading 😀