Feeling whatever that is

Hello Dearies,


*sighs* I dont know what the hell im feeling right now.  There is so much going on right now and i feel so overwhelmed and feeling  a bit breathless   feels like im in a world wind  and my heart feels very heavy. Things a are happening way to fast for me and its making me  feel like screaming.


I feel like my life, my home my alter is being taken over and been changed without my conset and i feel like i have no control over it and i want to cry over it.  I dont feel like i can tell my boyfriend until everything has calmed down here sinceour friend is gonna be moving in with us now because of all the drama her daughter has caused.


It also feels like  my boyfriend seems to think  that i dont mind that our friend wants to do the shopping for the food and things of that sort. Its like im sorry I do mind because he and i have been doing this past few months and ive gotten used to doing.  is it really so bad that i want my life to my life and what i want it to be and not what someone else dictates it to be or assumes its what i want my life to be like ?

Its like this morning my boyfriend said “our firend is right we need to find a better place. After the  lease is up here at the townhome we can look for a small house. How do you feel about that ?”  Its like hello our lease at the townhome isnt even up yet and it wont be until july of next yr and  you are already talking about wanting to rent a house if myself you and our firend has a job?? I dont want a house  its like i want to look at my boyfriend um no i dont want a house its like  we havent even started to live our lives as a couple yet  and you are letting our friend dictate Our Lives or at least that what it feels like to me


Our friend isnt a bad person nor is she a controling type of person not in the slightest. She is so used to doing things her way and change  can be hard for  anyone and with me i dont change when i know  something is working for myself  and where i am in my life and thats just how i am. Its like i have ways i do things and so does everyone else. I have to talk to my boyfriend and tell him how  i truely feel about everything and  what i think  about a few personal things too




im being a spaz and having a spaz  attack it might be over nothing  but i dont know  things just need to work out for the best. And besides i got a bad feeling this moring before my firned and boyfriend left to get the rest of our friends things and  its only getting worse, IT felt like they both brushed it  off.   I cant be for sure if thats how they saw it was nothing and our friend was trying to logic it away its like um im sorry when i get a bad feeling i get a bad feeling and also when i feel like if something bad is gonna happen its gonna happen it may not be this instant  it maybe right around the coroner




Idk i just need to take a few deep breathes and just breathe i just hope whatever thats gonna happen its not gonna be so bad that i or my boyfriend and i or that our friend wont be able to recover from and thats what im afaired is gonna happen that one of us is gonna lose something so dear to us that states one of back for yrs



brightest blessings















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