good weather and old poems

hello dearies,

its a new year, i know i know its already February, but its still a brand new year. im doing well after having the hysterectomy. im about 7/8 weeks out or im already 8 weeks out lol i don’t know i cant remember lol nut its ok im pretty much fully healed  now thankfully, im still dealing with a little bit of the aftermath of going through that and dealing with winter here in ohio lol.




But i am doing well  for the most part, though my anxiety has gotten a little worse then what it was before my surgery, its super annoying though. i hate having to deal with it. and it seems like it came about when i started to work at my old job….. i have started to think that it was my old job that caused my anxiety to show itself ,because i think i have mentioned before in old posts that myself and several others on night shift had to do -not only our posts- but that of another persons because people would call off or quit or the shift before us wouldn’t do want they needed to do before they would leave for the day. but anyways such as life things happen, and what will be will be.



a couple of days i was cleaning in the basement going thourgh old totes and boxes i found a few pages of old poems of mine from 2004 and 2006-2008, i thought i had lost most of them,during a few of the movings i have done im glad i found them. and we have had good weather yesterday and today, which makes me happy cause im so sick of this winter bull honky, ugh. But anyways its helping me out a little bit just for the mere fact that it has gotten warm this soon. im in heaven lol yeah im a dork lol.



i did get a few things i want to do done today like reading one of the books i got from the library over the past few days, made a few candles that im thinking about selling that’s after i make a few more  that is lol . cleaned my room and my altar,  just doing my own thing and being myself.


wells its getting late here, i must be off and get some sleep.



brightest blessings.








still here

hello dearies,



I’m still here I’m still alive and kicking its been 3 weeks since I had my sugery and its being a few days since my post-op check-up just last week


I’m healing up nicely, and also found out that I’m no longer at risk for the cancer to come back as well. was still able to keep my overies. I’m sorry it just took me three weeks to actually getting around to this blog. but I was sleeping a lot off and on for the first two weeks after coming home that Saturday dec 30th last year well just last month.

but my doctor says I’m healing up well and that everything is going good thus far just cant push or pull things like landry baskests and such and still cant lift anything over 5-10 ibes and no sex for a little bit longer(4-6 (weeks) months), sucks but  that’s just how it works just because I had a hysterectomy and I have an stetiches where my thingie was it starts with a c and I so forget what its called now lol just watch I’m going to rember what it is later lol but yall know what I’m talking about hopefully lol

and it also doesn’t help I’m a little tired right now

ill be back later on with another blog


brightest blessings






Hello there dearies,


back again, dealing with a lot of things that life has thrown my way, went to my osu appointment this past week I’m going to need a hysterectomy to remove my uterus and tubes.

And hopefully keep my ovaries if they don’t look cancerous, fingers crossed on that. its been a very emotional ride right now and my surgery is on the 22 on this mouth, I’m not looking forward to it. And a couple of family members are in a little bit of a tiff just because its that close to Christmas.

its like well sorry you aren’t the person that’s taking me up there so yall really have no say on when I get it done. I am. Don’t get me wrong I love my family but sometimes I wonder where they get off at being that way sometimes.

And the 22ed was the only Friday where they could use the robotics that they will be using for my surgery, and for the person who is taking me up there to go with me, since they are on the road during the week and Friday is the best time for them to take me since they are a truck driver and they have there own doctor appointments they need to go to on Fridays.

so in about 3 weeks I can say bye bye to my  uterus  and bye bye to the grade one cancer that is in there. osu said it was grade one instead on grade two from what the specialist said it was but my best bet is to still get the hysterectomy, so that’s I’m going to do. though it may sounf like ive giving up on carrying babies but with saving my ovaries  by going this route I can use someone else to carry my babies to full term with no dangers to them and their health, which I am going to be very gratefull to the person who does carry them. So there is hope for me to still have the ability to be a mama.

the two people  who went with me are the best too, I wouldn’t  have been able to go through this without them and I would have gone crazy if it wasn’t for them too.thankfully I have a tablet that I can still get online with like facebook and on here as well and being able to let yall know whats going on with me and how I’m healing. Cause I know after the surgery I may not be able to sit up like I am now.

the good thing about going up to osu they gave me a binder full of information on what I’m going to have done and what to except and everything like that I wasn’t excepting them to be  that well  put together with the information and everything like that and that through either but they went well beyond what I was excepting and all which is really good. and they made it super easy for me to understand too.


well I will keep yall updated on whats going on, I’m hungery lol.


brightest blessings







the most stressful stuff ever to deal with

Hello dearies,


im back  about two weeks ago i had a surgerey done a dnc and a leep, the leep was never done by my obgyn for the mere fact that he had seen something weird. but let me backtrack a little bit here.


Back in june i had my first obgyn appointment ok also no big deal  still very normal , for a papsmear. No big deal pretty normal stuff  again but after leaving  and going home and after a couple of weeks i got a call from the hurse that helps out in the office at my obgyn and says that my cells have come back abnormal, ok what does that mean abnormal ? well it just says that they are abornomal  we need to make another appointment. well ok made the appointment whatever.

i go they take another sample from inside, and run the tests the cells still come back as abnormal, its like what the fuck  here pple of course they are abnormal thats what the first test told yall anyway.

but they had to do sugery to make sure nothing else you know super wrong with me and so since i had the frist to tests down between june and augest/sept/oct, (sorry if the timeline seems weird im still reeling from the news i got the other day but im getting to that). So i get the surgey set up get blood work done and the ultra sound  done (dont ask me why they needed to an ultrasound).

im freaking out left and right for about a fucking week before the damn sugerey i throw up once the day after i went to renni and once  after  my grilfriend ,had her urtus taken out weeks ago and i had my sugery two weeks ago so three weeks ago now, and i had an anxiety  attuck  a week ago before i found qwhat i did yesterday because my obgyn  nurse called me saying well you have low grade cancer and my obgyn was also saying i had displasa or hyperplassla  something along those lines  (sorry my memorey is super shitty right now im on overload right now please bare with me)

so my obgyn refers me to a speaiclest , they called me the same day that i had found out that i had low grade cancer to set up the appomient for yesterday.

So i went, waited for what seems like forever and a daisy, who in there right mind keeps someone waiting for like two and a half hours who is diabetic,and has anixtey promblems on top of that and is super impanitce as all get out and starts to get pissy when she doesn’t get food or an answer to what the hell is going on with her girl parts ?


well his nurse pratnicer comes an=in and talks to me for a little bit and tells me i have grade 2 utrain cancer………………WHAT THE FUCK?!?!……………………………… then about 25 mins later the spealitst comes and says the same thing and at this point there arent many options for me besides having my urtus taking out or get a second opoion and go to a ferlity doctor, i asked to get the second opioin and go to a ferlity docotor………………… now im thinking maybe i should just have my shit taken out instead of risk my life with the second opioin. But i really wanted to have  children and now ive lost that chance to birth my own, and it hurts my heart that i cant now. my bloodline will end with me but will live on with my baby cosins though i have that going on, but for me it… its not the same because i wanted to teach my children the joys and the pride of being irish,and Cherokee, and a mix of our other ancestors, i wanted them to know where their blood comes from, and why it is so inporant to treat others of other decnets and natiollities with kindness and respect and to learn from them  by asking qestuions, to fuel their passions,their imgantions and their own creativies.

to find their place by doing for themselves and help them if thats been taken away from me. im scared, i feel alone, i would say mad but im not even mad im more sad then anything, i really wanted a baby girl and a baby boy.


im sorry………im in tears



brightesst blessings




So chilly but still dreaming of October 

Hello there dearies

It’s the second day  of September and its chillier then a witches tit out, wanted to try be go swimming this weekend but alas since its so gray and chilly out I didn’t get the chance but the chance to spend the time with two of the people i love the most though and thats the main thing

It maybe chilly out but I’m still dreaming of october and Samhain (hallowen), its my fave holiday and always will be already have me fall decorations out -what little i do have of them  and my Samhain  decor which is also my fall decor-  i dug them out of my witchy totes -which is said it fits in a drawer all of it does –  hopefully this month and next month will be my months in finding a new job my fingers are crossed i hope i can find something soon.

I hope all is well with everyone out in the world today and hopefully where it is summer in parts of the world enjoy it have fun be silly have fun in the sun and in the water.

I got some spooky reading to chance up on 

Brightest blessings 




Hello dearies 
It’s only the 8th of aug and I’m getting worried about my girlfriend she is going on for a hysterectomy tomorrow and  like I said I’m worried about her 

I hope things go well for her 
Fingers crossed 

Brightest blessing 


small town living growing up

hello dearies,


well just read an article about the town i grew up in for a big chunk of my life and i tell you what small town living is not as cracked up to be and growing up there can either break you or make you or a combination of the two.


I’m sorry but i can only speak for myself  but my hometown is not that great  (im sorry guys but no), too small everyone knows everyone and all their businnes no matter how much you try to keep it well private and everybody knows who is dating who. it neither rocks or sucks.


in my opinion dearies nothing against small town living or suburban living, for this witch its not and wasn’t a happy experience. at the time i was at odds with everyone, didnt fit  stuck out like a sore thumb. Small town living isnt for everyone. To be honsent moving out was one of the best things i could have done i havent even been back and never looked back.

in some ways i do have an old soul but not in the ways most people think. I dont want the small town i dont need that i had that and i hated it. it kind of fourced me to see who i really am and why i didnt fit in those all those super nice folks, the normalcly of it all is not comforablte the boxed up feeling.


and at times suffocateing, ive thought about going back there maybe starting a family (and yes At one time i did think i would go back and start a family there and have kids in the school system there) but not anymore cant stand it  the thought of it. my cousins were teased (or so says a family member), Yet i defend them and stood up for  their grandma (my uncle’s mom love that woman to bits). Knowing that but not knowing if it were true or not. And knowing that I am the way i am with the colorful hair and the witchy wiccan pagany ways, my kids when i do have them would be builled for the mere fact that their different and their mom is different and that their dad is different well in the future tense of it all mind you. And in all honesty i dont give a flying fuck who you think you are you make fun of someone or their kids you need something checked out in your brain pan.

i didnt belong, and it was made known that i didnt, by the name calling the bulling being pushed around in elemarty school, then just for wearing a native amercain inspired bracelet being called a Navajo with a strong inpsahes on the last two sysables of the word  as “ho” by a high schooler and a few others in the same grade  thinking it was funny as fuck. it hurt me it cut deep it made me cry when i got home that  just for the mere fact that i am 8th Cherokee, i feel connected to them my cherokee ancators and that someone would make fun of another tribe and make fun of me for wearing something that i thought was beautiful.


i know  the whole thing “oh kids will be kids its what they do”. No the fuck it isnt im soul sick of people sayig oh kids will be kids  or boys will be boys, its not ok to make fun of someone just for that  or to push around someone who is fucking different. This is why i will say small town living is not all it cracked up to be, we must see that kids can be mean little assholes to other kids. no matter what age they are, they need to be raised right and told hey its not ok to bully someone for being different or liking something that is different what they like, and to stand up for not only themselves but for others as well.



some people love the small towns that they live in more power to ya happy for ya but its not for everyone and that includes myself.

thats just my thoughts on the matter and everything



brightest blessings





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