August is here and its kicking. there is alot of things going on…… Well for me there is anyway.
first of all my girlfriend got her surgery to have her hysterectomy canceled because of high liver enzymes, which sucks because she really needs to have that done, but shit happens you know. the doctor that was going to do saw that they were high and didn’t want to take the risk of her getting sick i don’t really blame him. She is mainly disappointed about the fact that it got canceled because she had to put her life on hold and go through the fasting process and then the day of the surgery and she gets hooked up to all the needed blood and iv work it gets canceled. Talk about a major bust right there and having to get up at 4 am just to be there on time and going through all that, i would be pissed and disappointed too. i feel bad for her because she has to do it all over again and its not really fair.
Im looking for a different job now and have to go into that job hunting circus , with my own barrel of monkies and myself having my own medical stuff coming into view for this month with having my first pat smear in June and my cells coming back abnormal that’s scary stuff right there in itself but that appointment isnt until the week after this upcoming week, i’m not going to worry about it to much until then even though it is on my mind a bit and now being in therapy for my own past issues with communication, and anxiety which is why i had an attack on the Wednesday of this month that caused me to regretfully lose my once current job, yeah its alot to deal with i am now realzing that now, i kind of feel like im back to where i started a year ago jobless and trying to deal with everything but now i’ve been diagnosed with diabetes (thats no fun), have abnormal cells in my female parts (which i have no idea what that could mean), and i’m dealing with unresolved issues to say the least. life is no fun when you run away from your problems and not deal with them and its also no fun when you dont speak up about things and talk to the ones you love and care for the most even when they can see something is going on and they have no clue to whats going on and think that you dont love them anymore and dont communicate with them about what you are thinking and feeling ( yeah speaking from first hand experience its not pretty).
i remember when things where easy and simple when we all were kids and we didn’t have all these adult responsibilities and worries. but then we grow up and we have these responsibilities, I dont know if im running from mine or just putting them off or just not dealing with things as they come up one at time , but im confused,scared, hurting,lost, and in a round about way i feel like i truly dont know how to handle it all like a normal person would be able to handle things in a manner where it doesn’t affect me so deeply and cause me some sort of anxiety and doesn’t make me want to go back to a much simpler time when all i had to worry about is how to deal with a bullies and getting my home work finished on time. But who is normal and who knows how to deal with things like an almost well adjusted adult now-a-days anyway? i know i sure as hell am not normal in any sense of whats normal or what is considered normal but for the most part im not afraid to admit that im not normal at all what so ever, i am who i am and im the only me that is in this crazy mixed of world of ours.
hopefully i can get myself fixed and friuged out soon finger crossed