im back about two weeks ago i had a surgerey done a dnc and a leep, the leep was never done by my obgyn for the mere fact that he had seen something weird. but let me backtrack a little bit here.
Back in june i had my first obgyn appointment ok also no big deal still very normal , for a papsmear. No big deal pretty normal stuff again but after leaving and going home and after a couple of weeks i got a call from the hurse that helps out in the office at my obgyn and says that my cells have come back abnormal, ok what does that mean abnormal ? well it just says that they are abornomal we need to make another appointment. well ok made the appointment whatever.
i go they take another sample from inside, and run the tests the cells still come back as abnormal, its like what the fuck here pple of course they are abnormal thats what the first test told yall anyway.
but they had to do sugery to make sure nothing else you know super wrong with me and so since i had the frist to tests down between june and augest/sept/oct, (sorry if the timeline seems weird im still reeling from the news i got the other day but im getting to that). So i get the surgey set up get blood work done and the ultra sound done (dont ask me why they needed to an ultrasound).
im freaking out left and right for about a fucking week before the damn sugerey i throw up once the day after i went to renni and once after my grilfriend ,had her urtus taken out weeks ago and i had my sugery two weeks ago so three weeks ago now, and i had an anxiety attuck a week ago before i found qwhat i did yesterday because my obgyn nurse called me saying well you have low grade cancer and my obgyn was also saying i had displasa or hyperplassla something along those lines (sorry my memorey is super shitty right now im on overload right now please bare with me)
so my obgyn refers me to a speaiclest , they called me the same day that i had found out that i had low grade cancer to set up the appomient for yesterday.
So i went, waited for what seems like forever and a daisy, who in there right mind keeps someone waiting for like two and a half hours who is diabetic,and has anixtey promblems on top of that and is super impanitce as all get out and starts to get pissy when she doesn’t get food or an answer to what the hell is going on with her girl parts ?
well his nurse pratnicer comes an=in and talks to me for a little bit and tells me i have grade 2 utrain cancer………………WHAT THE FUCK?!?!……………………………… then about 25 mins later the spealitst comes and says the same thing and at this point there arent many options for me besides having my urtus taking out or get a second opoion and go to a ferlity doctor, i asked to get the second opioin and go to a ferlity docotor………………… now im thinking maybe i should just have my shit taken out instead of risk my life with the second opioin. But i really wanted to have children and now ive lost that chance to birth my own, and it hurts my heart that i cant now. my bloodline will end with me but will live on with my baby cosins though i have that going on, but for me it… its not the same because i wanted to teach my children the joys and the pride of being irish,and Cherokee, and a mix of our other ancestors, i wanted them to know where their blood comes from, and why it is so inporant to treat others of other decnets and natiollities with kindness and respect and to learn from them by asking qestuions, to fuel their passions,their imgantions and their own creativies.
to find their place by doing for themselves and help them if needed.now thats been taken away from me. im scared, i feel alone, i would say mad but im not even mad im more sad then anything, i really wanted a baby girl and a baby boy.
im sorry………im in tears